Happiness Archives - Page 2 of 3

In search of your Creativity: The Real Hunger Game

May 7, 2012 by admin Leave a Comment

Let me just start out with saying stories and movies like the Hunger Games are not feeding the soul.

If you stopped to think about it, you might ask yourself what you hunger for that you cannot name or do not recognize? Some would say it is creativity that really feeds the sou. Creativity is what we really hunger for and the capacity for creativity comes from deep within… an authentic place the yogis and Carl Jung called the Self. To access this creativity requires you to know yourself differently. Most of us never go beyond the lens of the ego. The ego is a filter thru which you experience your reality that is based on the past, the culture and may not reflect who you really are. As creativity is denied in our culture and marginalized in the educational system, we feel a hunger we mistakenly try to fill by consuming things. For more information on how we are stifling creativity see Ken Robinson’s Ted Talk.

James Hillman the founder of what we call archetypal psychology said that “creativity is in and of itself an instinctual drive just like the drive to eat” This means that the satisfaction of creativity is a requirement of life. We all have the need to fulfill our creative drive. How you go about doing that is what you need to look at. Most of us focus on our work and the roles we play in life such as parenting. This may not feed the creative drive and cause one to feel a sense of dullness about life that also lacks meaning. If so you are not feeding your creative drive properly, this could spill over into other drives like eating, shopping and other escapist modes of behavior that do not fulfill or fill.

So how do you get back on track? First we have to redefine creativity. I love this definition: “The genie of creativity is bottled up for most of us-to liberate the genie is to become a genius” (Goswami, 1999, p. 17). Stay tuned to find out how to become a genius.

Goswami, A. (1999). Quantum creativity. Cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press.

What does vulnerability have to do with losing weight?

May 4, 2012 by admin 2 Comments

Recently I came across a great Ted Talk by Dr. Bren Brown more on the role of shame as the root of addiction, depression and the tendency to be or feel small in life. Shame is something that is perpetrated by our culture to keep us down. All you have to do is to look at the advertising on that is on TV. Either one is being made to feel small, not being able to keep up the “Jones” or one is offered ways to dull the pain… food, drugs and various other ways to escape.

I would agree with Dr. Bren’s research, the most powerful thing that changed in me is my capacity to be and feel vulnerable. This is what led to be being loveable ironically. I just do not care what people think anymore. How liberating! Really vulnerability is the key to freedom. But then, that is the problem for the capitalistic model, it needs people consuming. Consumption is driven by feeling not good enough. This really saddens me. What I have found is that without shame you do not need to consume as much… you lose weight, want to exercise, take care of yourself….feel happier naturally.

I would not say that guilt is a close second to shame and is no better in terms of its destructive abilities. The irony is that people want to be with other people who are human… vulnerable. This means having the guts and ability to tell your story, be with the emotion, the vulnerability, and feeling like you are not defined by your story. I was given two books years ago when I got on the transformational journey that really affected me: Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw and Power vs. Force by David Hawkins, MD, PhD. The book gives you a way to move out of shame, and the second explains how shame is the lowest human emotion one can calibrate. The lower the emotions with which we resonate, the weaker we are. To me empathy and of course acceptance are the high roads. To me acceptance is the real antidote to shame. I would also add to that laughter… having the capacity to laugh at it all.

Personally, I am still working on vulnerability because I learned to survive by not feeling certain emotions and just being in my head. I am happily still a work in progress and I am ok to admit that is ok. Why not try the vulnerability diet… make sure you add a dash of acceptance!

On being an alpha female and eating cake everyday

February 7, 2012 by admin Leave a Comment

I found the conversation between Demi Moore and Amanda de Cadenet in Bazaar to be very enlightening. Both of these women seem very knowledgeable in terms of how to live a more enlightened life. Demi Moore speaks about having a “nobody cares, an it doesn’t matter attitude towards life and about the importance of acceptance. She describes freedom as: “letting go of the outcome, truly being in the moment, not reflecting on the past and not projecting into the future.” Demi Moore seems to be on top of her game in terms of what she knows intellectually and has obviously learned a lot by being a student of Kabbalah for the past eight years. The problem is, it does not seem to have sunk in on an unconscious level. This is what I would call the human condition… you know what to do you just can’t seem to do it. Why?

What also struck me about the Bazaar article and their dialogue is the brutal way in which they talk about their body. Andrea says how “it’s an ongoing challenge for me that I don’t think my body looks how I want it to.” Her dream is to be able to eat cake every day and remain a size 6. Demi Moore feels “her body is betraying me…struggling with my weight and feeling that I couldn’t eat what I wanted to eat…or get my body to do what I wanted it to do.” Losing weight and maintaining an “ideal happy weight” should not be such a struggle.

The problem is despite what we think, we do not have control over our body or our mind. It is a misconception for us to think “we have control over only ourselves.” While this is an improvement from thinking we have control over others or life in general, we will only end up disappointed if we think we have control over ourselves. As a student of depth psychology which is the study of the unconscious, I can pretty much say the one thing that I have learned is that the only thing we can hope to have control over is how we react and respond. We are very much controlled by the culture, what we think is “perfect.” We are striving to be perfect when the only thing we have control over is how we choose to react to our life experiences.

Finally, the last thing I would imagine we want to be is what Amanda refers to as an alpha female. Thinking that this is something desirable is part of the problem. Alpha female means someone who is “on top of her dating game. She is obstinate, conceited and doesn’t make it easy for you to pick her up. She gives you a run for your money and makes you work overtime on her, so to speak. But all this only makes her more appealing to you.”

I do agree what we need to do to feel and be loveable is to be loveable to ourselves. This of course means as both Demi Moore and Amanda agree at the end of their dialogue is freedom or not letting your wounds defines you. This is our life’s work.

I have not studied Kabbalah but I know that there is a difference between understanding something and internalizing it inside. I have found the best way to do that is by developing a meditation practice which I have humorously called Smart, Sexy and Sane how to make meditation easy. To learn more about this you can go to meditation made easy. I can pretty much say the last thing I want to do is to eat cake every day. Something’s are best enjoyed when if they are special…not for every day. I do meditate every day though.

What we have to do is let go of immediate gratification. Meditation is not like taking a pill but over time it really works.

How to be healthier, happier and overcome stress naturally

January 30, 2012 by admin 2 Comments

Can you imagine being asked when was the last time you had some play time? How can playing help you to be happier and healthier? I remember when I had young children how natural it came to them to play. Play time was essential to their being nurtured and also how they learned. The difference between an adult and a child is that play comes naturally to a child. A child knows how to be in the imaginal world and how to use imagination and play as a way of life.

So how can you begin to include more play in your life? For adults this can be a hobby such as playing tennis, cards or even a musical instrument.

How you might also ask could play help you in your work life by embodying a spirit of playfulness while doing your job? The key thing to begin to shift, if you want to bring more play into your life is to lose the negative inner critic voice and the sense of a grim determination to succeed, change, excel, get what you think you want. You need to become more playful about thing.s and allow things to just “be.”

What do I mean by being more playful? Play is: “liking play; being prone to play, like a child or kitten; experimental; frolicsome,” says the dictionary. It is also being “lighthearted, in the now, letting go of judgment, gently poking fun at oneself.”

Experts agree that playfulness reduces stress and makes us feel happier:

It is a sign of health among animals. Scientists say the healthier and safer the herd feels, the more they play.
Playfulness is one of the signs of a marriage that is likely to last, according to relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman. It can ease tension during times of stress.
“Playfulness motivates people to learn mathematics and makes them more likely to own what they learn,” says the National Centre for Excellence in the Teaching of Mathematics.
People who practice “laughter yoga” reduce their blood pressure as well as the stress they feel.
Finally, playfulness made the short list of the 24 most important human strengths identified by researchers in the Positive Psychology movement.

Learning to incorporate play in your life is your first step towards raising your happiness set point.

Happiness is a function of your personality. To be happier you need to cultivate a happier personality or way of seeing your life and life itself. Play helps you to do this.

Play is also important for reducing stress. It’s important that you have at least one activity that you do regularly just for fun. Hobbies and reconnecting with art and creativity is another way to play. When you play or get involved in a hobby you tend to get really engrossed in the activity you enjoy. You can even begin to experience a state of being know as flow, in which your brain is in a near-meditative state. This can have enormous benefits just like meditation does.

Some people are even able to turn their hobbies into careers at some point, and end up with a lifestyle where their work is their play. This is I believe what really creates lasting happiness. Here is a great resource to begin to spark your interest in playing more.

Does losing weight make you happier?

January 18, 2012 by admin Leave a Comment

I think most people would think that losing weight makes you happier? The research shows it doesn’t in the long run. Losing weight, just like falling in love or getting a promotion creates a short term bump in happiness but after a while you return back to where you were. Could this be one reason why so many people regain their weight? One question I ask people I coach that is very enlightening is: what do you want by losing weight that you don’t already have? Or what are you hoping that losing weight will do for you? These powerful questions are what lead us to the unresolved issues that need to be worked on so that the weight loss is illusory.

What is also interesting is how much we compare ourselves to other people and how that affects our happiness levels. Nick Powdthavee who wrote the book The Happiness Equation, said: “it feels okay to be fat when our loves ones-or other people with whom we normally identify-are fat as well.” This I found to be very revealing. We live in a thin-obsessed culture. If we are comparing ourselves to celebrities and social expectations, we will be miserable. That is why I suggest you look at your weight goals differently. It’s not about losing weight. Weight gain is often a symptom for something else that is unresolved and the eating is a distraction for those unresolved issues. It is about feeling good. When we feel good emotionally and physically it’s easier to do what we need to do to stay at a healthy weight.

So I learned some other interesting things from The Happiness Equation that we can learn from. Our capacity for happiness just like our weight has a set point to which we continually return. Happiness is a point of view, part of how we see the world. It’s similar to our personality. That is perhaps what really needs to be worked with or else we continually fall back to the place we began. It is kind of like a catch 22: happier people tend to earn more, have more satisfying relationships and even better health. Albert Schweitzer so wisely said: ‘Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.’

I think the answer or the key lies in how we define happiness and how we go about attaining it. The best way I know to increase your happiness set point is to learn how to meditate. It actually is proven to grow new brain cells in the area of the brain that registers happiness. That is why I developed by new meditation program: Smart, Sexy and Sane…meditation made easy. The sooner you begin the better you will feel. Then it becomes easier to guess what…eat healthy and stay fit.