Relationships Archives - Nirvana Diet

Good Relationships: Key to Satisfaction and Fulfillment

July 12, 2013 by admin Leave a Comment

According to Dr. Robert Epstein in an article in Scientific American Mind, about half of first marriages fail in the U.S as do two thirds of second marriages, and three quarters of third marriages.

The key to having good relationships is communication. Personally given how important relationships are to our well-being—to love, be loved, and feel loved back—learning how to communicate and to undo our negative relationship patterns is the real work of our lifetime.

It is through relationships that we have the opportunity to come to really know ourselves and, therefore, have the greatest potential for self-development. Dr. Gottman has been studying couples for years and has identified the key destructive communication behaviors. His research is so compelling he is able to predict with about 94% accuracy which couples he observes will divorce.

Here are the four key relationship breakers:

Criticism: especially if done in a complaining all or nothing way such as: “You always talk about yourself. You are so selfish.”
Being Derisive: statements that come with a ridiculing tone are the kiss of death for relationships.
Defensiveness: self-protection and being defensive go together. As I have pointed out in other posts, this is suggestive of having complexes that puts you in the role of the victim. We want to take responsibility for our actions as best we can and stopped blaming. Example: “It’s your fault we are always late.”
Giving the Cold Shoulder: stonewalling otherwise known as emotional withdrawal is another relationship blocker. This type of communication is passive aggressive. We need to learn to communicate no matter how charged the situation. I love the work of Marshall Rosenberg for helping to develop this skill.

What we are all looking for is someone who loves you, for better and for worse. This means someone who sees and appreciates you for who you are… not who they want you to be. There is still a lot of wisdom to the book written years ago by Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. People like people who give them their undivided attention, really listen to them and allow them to talk about themselves.

This is one of the key reasons why therapy works… having someone who listens to you, looks you in the eye, allows you to talk about yourself and what you are interested in is also a reason people report they fall in love with each other.

Recently I have been doing more and more coaching to help people identify and overcome negative relationship patterns. This includes working on communication because it is the key to having satisfying ones.

Would love to hear what you think works in relationships.

In search of your Creativity: The Real Hunger Game

May 7, 2012 by admin Leave a Comment

Let me just start out with saying stories and movies like the Hunger Games are not feeding the soul.

If you stopped to think about it, you might ask yourself what you hunger for that you cannot name or do not recognize? Some would say it is creativity that really feeds the sou. Creativity is what we really hunger for and the capacity for creativity comes from deep within… an authentic place the yogis and Carl Jung called the Self. To access this creativity requires you to know yourself differently. Most of us never go beyond the lens of the ego. The ego is a filter thru which you experience your reality that is based on the past, the culture and may not reflect who you really are. As creativity is denied in our culture and marginalized in the educational system, we feel a hunger we mistakenly try to fill by consuming things. For more information on how we are stifling creativity see Ken Robinson’s Ted Talk.

James Hillman the founder of what we call archetypal psychology said that “creativity is in and of itself an instinctual drive just like the drive to eat” This means that the satisfaction of creativity is a requirement of life. We all have the need to fulfill our creative drive. How you go about doing that is what you need to look at. Most of us focus on our work and the roles we play in life such as parenting. This may not feed the creative drive and cause one to feel a sense of dullness about life that also lacks meaning. If so you are not feeding your creative drive properly, this could spill over into other drives like eating, shopping and other escapist modes of behavior that do not fulfill or fill.

So how do you get back on track? First we have to redefine creativity. I love this definition: “The genie of creativity is bottled up for most of us-to liberate the genie is to become a genius” (Goswami, 1999, p. 17). Stay tuned to find out how to become a genius.

Goswami, A. (1999). Quantum creativity. Cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press.

Does being or feeling overweight sabotage your passion for sex and life?

January 19, 2012 by admin Leave a Comment

Notice I said being or feeling, you may not actually be overweight, but you don’t feel like you are thin enough so you don’t feel sexy or like having sex. Research shows that your sex drive, sometimes called libido is related to your confidence levels. Libido is not just limited to sex it also relates to passion for life. Cindy Meston, Ph.D., and director of Sexual Psychophysiology at the University of Texas, determined that the more we compare ourselves to what the fashion world wants us to think is sexy, which is of course thin, the less attractive we feel. It is the comparing that has to go. I would also suggest that women have an unrealistic notion of how much they should weigh, and this sabotages not only your weight loss goals but also according to Dr. Meston’s research your confidence levels.

I think if we asked most guys, they would not think the thin body type is sexy. In fact this has been proven guys like an hour glass shape. It has to do with unconscious thoughts about reproduction and child bearing which persist well beyond the child bearing years. More importantly, I think you would find that more than body type, guys find confidence and an over feeling or being at ease with yourself and others to be sexier than being thin. That’s the problem, if being thin is the benchmark or touchstone for confidence we have it all wrong.

One thing you could do to remedy this is to start exercising. It turns out that exercise makes you not only feel better but gives you more confidence and energy which of course will make you feel sexier. Dr. Meston’s research supports this. According to her research, doing just twenty minutes of cardio in your target heart rate for burning fat increases your sex drive or libido by as much as 150 per cent.

So if you want to feel sexier, more confident and have a more exciting life, stop comparing yourself to a cultural ideal that is not even attractive to most men. Second I would start exercising. Once you do those two things, you will find you eat healthier. Finally being or feeling comfortable in your own skin is a mindset. When you look in the mirror… like what you see back. More than how we look it is the light we have, the energy with which we vibrate that people find attractive. If you want to get a jump start on your confidence, download the hypnosis MP3 I have on my webiste called Unlock Your Potential.

Diet Myths You Need to Let Go Of

December 14, 2011 by admin 1 Comment

One of the common themes I have seen in my practice is the notion that when you lose weight your problems go away and your dreams get fulfilled. I wonder if that is part of the reason people regain the weight they lose. What they thought would happen by losing weight does not happen so they lose the motivation to delay immediate gratification, the pleasure they get from certain foods and the discipline it takes to eat right and exercise daily.

To lose weight successfully means you keep it off involves the ability to be able to weight short term actions, against longer term goals. Although the current thinking is that 85 to 95% of people who lose weight regain it, The National Weight Control Registry has been keeping track of people who do keep it off. Their site has some interesting findings.

The bottom line is simple: you have to change the way you eat, exercise daily and make this your lifestyle because you place more importance on your health than eating the treat.

Here are some other things people who lose weight and keep it off do:

78% eat breakfast every day.
75% weigh themselves at least once a week.
62% watch less than 10 hours of TV per week.
90% exercise, on average, about 1 hour per day.

So what about those other dreams you have that you think losing weight will achieve? You don’t give up when it does not happen that way. You get focused on how to change another aspect of your life just like you did with your weight. If you think by losing weight you will find the love relationship that has eluded you, that is false thinking. There is something else going on that keeps you from finding that love.

The best way to really lose weight is to make the actions you took to lose the weight permanent. This requires the creation of an awareness practice which can then be used for any change you then want to make, such as attracting a better relationship. I developed what I call the Pausing Technique to help to build the habit of awareness. I suggest you start with that. Then I recommend you strengthen it with a meditation practice which builds the mental muscles of focus. Everything you want to achieve in life begins with a dream, actions and the ability to stay focused and never give up. Let losing weight successfully be your first dream come true. You can also order the Nirvana Diet™ Home Study Program to get you started.

Why Angelina Jolie does not look healthy or sexy

October 26, 2011 by admin Leave a Comment

Losing weight should be motivated by a desire to live a healthier life style more than a way to find your confidence and “look sexy.” I know women think being thinner is the ticket to more self- confidence and being more attractive to the opposite sex. The problem is that confidence just like happiness comes from within.

I don’t think women realize that research shows men find curvier shapes more attractive. According to the research, looking at curvaceous, the hour-glassed shaped body triggers the pleasure reward circuitry of the brain in a man. Studies across all cultures show that men consistently find curvy women to be more attractive. This is attributed to the subconscious drive of continuing the species: curves and shapely hips, an hour glass shape is subconsciously associated with greater fertility and health in a woman.

Recently I was shocked at an article People magazine had on how Angelina Jolie and other celebrities have an obsession with thinness . Honestly in the most recent pictures of Angelina, she looked like she was sick she was so thin. Obviously there is something else going on here that women just do not get. Read this blog post if you want to get in touch with a bigger more meaningful reason to lose weight.

Our cultural obsession with thinness is reinforced by the models we see on the runways that get thinner, younger and more strange looking every year. This obsession was created by the fashion industry who decided to use super thin models to take away the distraction of the body. If the model was super thing, she became a walking mannequin to show off the clothes not the body.

I think a correction is in order here. A recent research poll published in Ladies Home Journal on women’s satisfaction levels with their lives showed only 27% were satisfied with their health and wellness, and as would be expected, women 19 to 25 feel the most pressure to look beautiful. What we need to realize is that not only happiness, but also beauty comes from within.

We need to find another way to let our beauty blossom. Beauty has more to do with how you glow and what your subtle energy is like than it does now much you weigh. I also think when you cultivate beauty from within it is easier to be the right weight naturally.

Want to know how to how look healthier and sexier? Smile, it turns on the glow factor. Self-confidence is the absence of self-consciousness…focus on seeing the beauty in everyone. It works. Take a look at the downloadable hypnosis MP3 I have on self-confidence to get this on a subconscious level.

I would love your feedback. Do you agree or disagree with this? Connect with me on Facebook and share your comments. Do you think our cultural obsession with thinness is unhealthy?