admin, Author at Nirvana Diet

Live a Happier Healthier Life

June 27, 2015 by admin 1 Comment

Many people overeat and can’t break free from their bad habits because the habits are serving a purpose.These habits keeps you from dealing with what is underlying it… What we really want- to be happier and find more meaning and purpose in our lives.

Research shows that we are not that good at figuring out what makes us happy. There are a lot of myths about happiness. So if you think that just by losing weight or fulfilling any one “goal” you will be happy, you may be surprised.

The real power lies in why you want to lose weight, to find a bigger meaning to what you want and focus on that; such as improving your health, or having more energy to do fun things with your loved ones. Most of the myths you will see are around the fact that we seem to misinterpret pleasure for happiness.

Re-Defining Real Happiness:

1. Happiness is a final destination…you aren’t suddenly happy one day. Taking care of yourself and your “happiness” factor requires a daily commitment and certain habits you were not necessarily born knowing.

2. Being happy depends on how your day is going. When you understand nothing is bad or good, it’s all how you see it you’ll understand how happiness is an inside job.

3. I’ll feel good about myself after…having a daily spiritual practice like sitting in meditation and or journaling will help you feel a deep sense that things are unfolding “perfectly”…as they are without feeling tossed about by the “ups and downs” of life.

4. Eating and pleasure is happiness. The fleeting happiness that is pleasure based will never satisfy you in the long run.

5. Denying your feelings make you feel better. Your feelings serve an important function, to serve as an internal guidance system. If you make a habit of listening to your feelings, they will give you clues as to what you need to do to get back on track.

6. You’re really okay with the way things are and don’t like change. Why have a life that is just ok? If deep within you sense there is something more…it never too late to get on the right destination that will help you fill what is missing.

7. You either are happy or you are not, it’s a character trait. There are actually skills, and ideas you can learn that can help you turn lemon in lemonade, enrich yourself by learning from your life, and feed what your soul is really hungry for…and it’s not what gets talked about on TV or in the media.

So what is it that makes us happy? Finding meaning in our lives and doing things that bring meaning to our lives. If you figure out how to do this, you will find it becomes easier to lose weight, and to change any unwanted habit that is really a cheap substitute for what you really want. Let me know what you think makes you happy.

Following your true heart’s desire

June 18, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment

Did you know that desire is what activates your imagination?

Your imagination is how your bring it into the world… make it come true. But how do we get guidance to follow the right desire? It is interesting to take a look at the word desire which means “a specific kind of longing. It is our ‘ultimate concern’ and contains insight into what we are most passionate about (remembering that the Latin root of passion [passio] = to suffer.”) But this makes sense if we view our challenges as the place from which we grow.

Examining the root of word desire is: “wish, desire, long for,” which is from L. desiderare “long for, wish for; demand, expect.” What this means in terms of the original sense of the meaning was to “await what the stars will bring,” from the phrase de sidere “from the stars,” from sidus (gen. sideris) “heavenly body, star, constellation” (Harper, 2001-2012, para. 1). The heavenly stars were viewed as oracles to provide guidance on how one might align with those desires. This implies a meaning of desire as means to provide insight into one’s destiny which is a very special type of wish fulfillment. Yet, identifying and going about fulfilling this desire is a creative process in and of itself.

One way that helped me to do this was my research and study of the astrological horoscope. Depth psychology, just as astrology, is the study of that which is hidden from view and its effects and there has been an ambivalent relationship between the two fields. It is no secret that C. G. Jung was fascinated with the occult and astrology. In fact when I met his grandson Ulrich, he told me that his grandfather always consulted the chart of a patient before seeing them. Jung wrote to Freud before there break: “My evenings are taken up very largely with astrology. I make horoscopic calculations in order to find a clue to the core of psychological truth. Some remarkable things have turned up which will certainly appear incredible to you.”

I also came to the understanding based on my study of astrology that the horoscope can be viewed as a symbolic representation of the plot lines of our personal drama or story. It is symbolic and therefore requires some intuitive interpretation to understand what that story really is about but it helps you to make sense of your life.

In that sense, I also found it helpful to look at my calling—which can be found in the concept known in Western astrology as the North Node. I believe this astrological point can shed light on and be most useful for ascertaining the appropriateness of my research topic. This is because out of all the parts of a horoscope, the North Node is regarded as an indicator of one’s driving purpose. Laurence Hillman an archetypal astrologist once explained to me that the South Node is the place where one climbs aboard life—just as if one were getting on a train—and that it correlates to the ego’s orientation. He says the North Node is synonymous with where one should be headed. The North Node is the destination that Mark Twain talks about in the quote: “The most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.”
My North Node is in my fifth house in the sign of Aquarius, so my calling relates to what is called fifth-house matters. This is the house that most has to do with creativity. This can also be expressed as having fun, pleasure, reverie, working with children, playing, and, most importantly for my research, creativity through writing. Storytelling, play-acting, and reading fiction have been my passions from a very young age and also the direction I am moving in terms of my calling. My story included how to become creative again.

When we identify this, we have a compass or a lodestar to help guide us, and I also believe following the calling is one important way that we receive a sense of deeper fulfillment and meaning in life.
Reference:
Harper, D. (2001-2012). Online etymology dictionary. Retrieved from http://www .etymonline.com/index.php?term=desire

Why fall in love and how we choose our relationships?

July 18, 2013 by admin Leave a Comment

Have you ever wondered why you were/ are attracted to certain people? Have you ever been caught in the paradox of repeating relationship patterns that do not work? If so you are not alone. Based on what I have studied, I think it is fair to say we make our relationship choices unconsciously.

Why would that be so? We are drawn to people who represent a mirror of our childhood wounds, unresolved issues we have with our parents in the hope that we can finally find in this person what it is we never got in childhood. The problem is we do this unconsciously, without being aware this may be going on.

I personally believe finding and keeping a real love relationship is one of the most important goals of life. It is because relating and being in a true love relationship is so important and because relationships have such a capacity to hurt, they also represent the greatest area for self-growth.

Relationship choices are also the search for someone who is strangely enough our opposite. There us often something about our personality we are not as good at or perhaps “need” in another and we are unconsciously attracted to someone because of that. This can be a source of conflict or be something that is generative.

This is why it is so important to cultivate a way of communicating where you are able to express your needs, not lay them on the other person as if it is their problem or responsibility, but something they might want to do for you. We all want to help each other fulfill our desires. This feels good. No one wants to be responsible for your unmet needs. Ultimately relationships are meant to help us grow… even the one’s that hurt.

I have found that archetypal coaching is particularly suited to relationship coaching because it includes an analysis of the unconscious aspects of the psyche by looking thru an astrological lens can illuminate a lot about our relationship patterns and issues. Once we are able to make these unconscious patterns conscious, we have a chance of getting the bigger picture and perhaps changing the pattern.

I am grateful to have learned and incorporated so many modalities that help me to have a depth perspective when I work with people. This in addition to the meditation practice I teach really inspires personal growth and change.

Good Relationships: Key to Satisfaction and Fulfillment

July 12, 2013 by admin Leave a Comment

According to Dr. Robert Epstein in an article in Scientific American Mind, about half of first marriages fail in the U.S as do two thirds of second marriages, and three quarters of third marriages.

The key to having good relationships is communication. Personally given how important relationships are to our well-being—to love, be loved, and feel loved back—learning how to communicate and to undo our negative relationship patterns is the real work of our lifetime.

It is through relationships that we have the opportunity to come to really know ourselves and, therefore, have the greatest potential for self-development. Dr. Gottman has been studying couples for years and has identified the key destructive communication behaviors. His research is so compelling he is able to predict with about 94% accuracy which couples he observes will divorce.

Here are the four key relationship breakers:

Criticism: especially if done in a complaining all or nothing way such as: “You always talk about yourself. You are so selfish.”
Being Derisive: statements that come with a ridiculing tone are the kiss of death for relationships.
Defensiveness: self-protection and being defensive go together. As I have pointed out in other posts, this is suggestive of having complexes that puts you in the role of the victim. We want to take responsibility for our actions as best we can and stopped blaming. Example: “It’s your fault we are always late.”
Giving the Cold Shoulder: stonewalling otherwise known as emotional withdrawal is another relationship blocker. This type of communication is passive aggressive. We need to learn to communicate no matter how charged the situation. I love the work of Marshall Rosenberg for helping to develop this skill.

What we are all looking for is someone who loves you, for better and for worse. This means someone who sees and appreciates you for who you are… not who they want you to be. There is still a lot of wisdom to the book written years ago by Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. People like people who give them their undivided attention, really listen to them and allow them to talk about themselves.

This is one of the key reasons why therapy works… having someone who listens to you, looks you in the eye, allows you to talk about yourself and what you are interested in is also a reason people report they fall in love with each other.

Recently I have been doing more and more coaching to help people identify and overcome negative relationship patterns. This includes working on communication because it is the key to having satisfying ones.

Would love to hear what you think works in relationships.

Alec Baldwin loses his temper again… has he tried meditation?

July 4, 2013 by admin Leave a Comment

Poor communication skills is the number one reason relationships do not work. Being prone to angry outbursts and talking to people in a disparaging way catches up with you in the long run. What can you do? Start with something called awareness.

Recently, the Washington Post reported that Alec Baldwin lost his temper again threatening to become violent towards a flight attendant when she asked him to turn off his phone. As if that was not enough, Baldwin cancelled his Twitter account because a reporter wrote that his wife tweeted during James Gandolfini’s funeral.Give me a break! Why should he care? Because the guy’s riddled with complexes.

Yes anger and getting reactive are good places to start to understand your complexes. We all have them. What most people don’t realize is that they have us. If he hasn’t tried it I would recommend meditation for his anger management. It just isn’t cool to treat other people badly! But then again you have to want to change.

Despite how he or people think he “gets away” with this kind of behavior, I really do not believe this is how Alec wants to be. I feel badly for him, as I do not think this is something Alec can control. Most people have no idea how much of what they think, feel, and how they act is unconscious… not within their conscious control.

Hilary Rosen, a Washington media strategist who has known him since college said this behavior is part of his persona.She is right, but living life with a persona is not an enlightened way to live either.

Unlike what his friend Rosen said, I do not believe “his outbursts are as authentic as everything else.” Yes be may be a passionate person and feel passion about his charitable causes, but the outburst are really childish and suggest a lack of personal growth. I am sure he has had his share of therapy, but this is part of the problem, therapy today is too based on whining, complaining, navel gazing, diagnoses and medications.

In my upcoming book The Nirvana Diet™ which is based on the coaching work I have done for over ten years, I talk about the persona and complexes… how to acknowledge and move beyond them. The persona was concept developed by Carl Jung, the wise Swiss psychiatrist who was Freud’s contemporary but whose work is unfortunately not as well known. The persona is the big complex made up of many little complexes we form that functions as a band aide of sorts for our wounds.

The problem is that the persona is an adaptation of the real you.. it’s more how you think people want you to be. As an archetypal astrologist and coach, it seems obvious that Alec’s persona which is prone to fiery outbursts is very resonant with the Mars archetype. Without really knowing his real birth time I could not be certain, but using the reported 12pm time, validates this. That’s what i found, Mars located in 7^th house aspecting his 1st house. This usually creates relationship issues and a fiery hot-headed personality.

The persona may help cover up the wounds and vulnerabilities, but it does not serve the evolution of the person’s character which is really what matters in the long term. It also suggests poor social skills which do matter in the long run no matter how much you think you get away with it.

What I learned is that living behind a persona is usually destined to create unhappiness as it keeps us from experiencing our deepest longing, which for most of us is to be loved unconditionally for who we really are. This by definition may include vulnerabilities or aspects we are ashamed of … but until we are able to peel back the layers of the mask we wear and become transparent, we will probably never really be authentic and probably never feel loved.

The bottom line is that people have to want to change and no longer feel as if the behavior longer pays off. To change your personality reality you have to start with your personality. I would recommend Alec try meditation. Meditation teaches awareness and helps us to pay attention to what and when we get triggered… then we can ask ourselves…Why?