Nirvana Diet

A Diet For the Mind

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On being an alpha female and eating cake everyday

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Woman with yellow silkI found the conversation between Demi Moore and Amanda de Cadenet in Bazaar  to be very enlightening. Both of these women seem very knowledgeable in terms of how to live a more enlightened life. Demi Moore speaks about having a “nobody cares, an it doesn’t matter attitude towards life and about the importance of acceptance. She describes freedom as: “letting go of the outcome, truly being in the moment, not reflecting on the past and not projecting into the future.”  Demi Moore seems to be on top of her game in terms of what she knows intellectually and has obviously learned a lot by being a student of Kabbalah for the past eight years. The problem is, it does not seem to have sunk in on an unconscious level. This is what I would call the human condition… you know what to do you just can’t seem to do it. Why?

What also struck me about the Bazaar article and their dialogue is the brutal way in which they talk about their body. Andrea says how “it’s an ongoing challenge for me that I don’t think my body looks how I want it to.” Her dream is to be able to eat cake every day and remain a size 6. Demi Moore feels “her body is betraying me…struggling with my weight and feeling that I couldn’t eat what I wanted to eat…or get my body to do what I wanted it to do.” Losing weight and maintaining an “ideal happy weight” should not be such a struggle.

The problem is despite what we think, we do not have control over our body or our mind. It is  a misconception for us to think  “we have control over only ourselves.”  While this is an improvement from thinking we have control over others or life in general, we will only end up disappointed if we think we have control over ourselves. As a student of depth psychology which is the study of the unconscious, I can pretty much say the one thing that I have learned is that the only thing we can hope to have control over is how we react and respond. We are very much controlled by the culture, what we think is “perfect.” We are striving to be perfect when the only thing we have control over is how we choose to react to our life experiences.

Finally, the last thing I would imagine we want to be is what Amanda refers to as an alpha female. Thinking that this is something desirable is part of the problem. Alpha female means someone who is “on top of her dating game. She is obstinate, conceited and doesn’t make it easy for you to pick her up. She gives you a run for your money and makes you work overtime on her, so to speak. But all this only makes her more appealing to you.”

I do agree what we need to do to feel and be loveable is to be loveable to ourselves. This of course means as both Demi Moore and Amanda agree at the end of their dialogue is freedom or not letting your wounds defines you. This is our life’s work.

I have not studied Kabbalah but I know that there is a difference between understanding  something and internalizing it inside. I have found the best way to do that is by developing a meditation practice which I have humorously called Smart, Sexy and Sane how to make meditation easy. To learn more about this you can go to meditation made easy.  I can pretty much say the last thing I want to do is to eat cake every day. Something’s are best enjoyed when if they are special…not for every day. I do meditate every day though.

What we have to do is let go of immediate gratification. Meditation is not like taking a pill but over time it really works.

 

Why we over consume…from over eating to over spending

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Woman having fun on spring meadowThroughout my years of coaching people to lose weight, I found people who have weight problems also have a tendency to excess in other areas of their lives as well. Take overspending for example. There are similar reasons why people overeat and overspend. Usually it has to do with an emotional state that leads to either poor decision making or impaired impulse control. These are both associated with the same part of the brain: the pre-frontal cortex which is called the executive function of the brain. According to researchers in neuroscience at Stanford University, this part of the brain is connected to how we orchestrate thought and action to accomplish our goals.

Here is a summary of the emotional states that seem to impair rational decision-making and therefore sabotage our weight loss and other life goals:

Avoidance sabotages your weight and life goals:

People that are practicing avoidance tend to be fuzzy about what they are doing and less likely to be aware of the behaviors that are sabotaging them. That is why keeping a journal has proven to be so helpful. I have my clients sign up for loseit.com. As an extra motivator the daily results are sent to me and I comment on what they are doing. This has been proven to be very effective. When people begin to track what they are doing, it is hard to stay in avoidance. The antidote to avoidance is being accountable for our actions, which I believe is an integral part of why and how we change.

Negative or “depressed” moods sabotage your weight and life goals:

Many behaviors that are about over consuming are often ones that are similar to self-medicating. People turn to things, whether it is shopping, drinking, or spending to get a lift, a boost or to numb out what they do not want to feel. Sometimes there is a legitimate chemical imbalance and in that case, I suggest finding a good naturopathic doctor to identify what might be out of balance. Many people are taking anti-depressants instead which do not target underlying imbalances and are more of a one size fit all solution. A good place to learn more about this is Julia Ross’ book the Mood Cure.  Exercise, play and taking up a hobby are also great ways to boost your mood. See my blog on how play and hobbies help you lose weight.

Low self-esteem sabotages your weight and life goals:

This may not be a conscious action, but many people who are shopaholics and over consume because  buying something feels like it is a way to compensate for low self-esteem. The studies I looked at that measure happiness back this up in the sense that people think they feel happier when they can spend at least what everyone else does or preferably more than their peers. The problem with this strategy is that it does not last and you end up doing more harm in the long run in terms of accumulating debt and stress.  The antidote to this is to become more comfortable in your own skin, less concerned about what other people think about you. Instead of focusing on what other people think, focus on fulfilling your own potential. Once you engage more with that, a funny thing happens; it is almost like you don’t want for much. You feel more self-fulfilled. The way to do that is by finding out and focusing on what you are passionate about or what really matters to you.

Pursuing instant gratification sabotages your weight and goals:

We live in a culture that defines happiness in a hedonistic way. Not only that, we are accustomed to and want immediate gratification. This is why we are in the mess we are in economically. It is really important to train yourself to avoid seeking immediate gratification which can be very addictive. If you are used to eating foods that excite your senses in a negative way as processed and packaged foods do, you will be less able to avoid seeking immediate gratification. This is reinforced by the media that programs us to want it and have it now. We are bombarded with messages about how you are worth it and you deserve it. One way to start to de-program yourself is to delay the decision. There is a ten minute rule that is very helpful. If you delay an urge, it passes. By then you see it really is not something that really matters.

I also suggest downloading hypnosis MP3 file that can help you strengthen your ability to delay immediate gratification, improve your self-esteem, and get yourself out of avoidance.

How hypnosis can help you break unwanted habits

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woman-meditate-flowersHypnosis is oftentimes misunderstood, but more and more people are coming to now understand how hypnosis works and how hypnosis can help to break unwanted habits.  Joyce Frye, an assistant professor at University of Maryland’s Center for Integrative Medicine explains how hypnosis helps: “ a hypnotherapist can help guide a person therapeutically by making suggestions such as how great it would be to smoke-free and breathing easily.” Suggestions however are just suggestions. A hypnotist cannot get you to do anything you do not want to do, but it can help to grease the wheels, or add some oomph to your willpower. Ultimately you still have to consciously choose not to smoke, overeat and break the unwanted habit.

To learn more about how hypnosis works , you should down-load my E-Book, The Key to Successful Weight Loss .

Lynne Harris wrote about her experience an article for Glamour magazine about with how hypnosis helped her to stop biting her nails.  She said: “Hypnosis appears to circumvent the part of the brain that says, there’s no way this will help. If someone said to you right now, ‘The next time you see a cheesecake, you’ll want a carrot instead,’ you’d laugh (and dig in). But if someone makes that kind of suggestion when you’re under hypnosis, it sneaks past your rational mind and into the part of your brain that influences action.”

It has been my experience, especially when we are dealing with deeply rooted behaviors that are almost unconscious, such as nail-biting,  or with habits that deal with addictive substances from sugar to nicotine, we change when we are finally fed up enough with it. There has to be a strong desire to stop. You have to really be on board with the awareness that the negatives are outweighing the positives. Once you stop doing the behavior for a week, it gets easier because you begin to see that you can do without it. When you doing the behavior regularly you are battling the cravings that are real. Hypnosis can help to make this process easier.  I have also found that if you take up exercise and can get the exercise up to a level where it is creating a positive effect on your brain chemistry, this can also help to make you feel stronger which can strengthen your resolve to break unhealthy habits.  

If you are curious you can download a hypnosis MP3. This will give you a good idea of how hypnosis works and if it is for you.

How to be healthier, happier and overcome stress naturally

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Jump-joyCan you imagine being asked when was the last time you had some play time? How can playing help you to be happier and healthier? I remember when I had young children how natural it came to them to play. Play time was essential to their being nurtured and also how they learned. The difference between an adult and a child is that play comes naturally to a child. A child knows how to be in the imaginal world and how to use imagination and play as a way of life.

So how can you begin to include more play in your life? For adults this can be a hobby such as playing tennis, cards or even a musical instrument.

How you might also ask could play help you in your work life by embodying a spirit of playfulness while doing your job? The key thing to begin to shift, if you want to bring more play into your life is to lose the negative inner critic voice and the sense of a grim determination to succeed, change, excel, get what you think you want. You need to become more playful about thing.s and allow things to just “be.”

What do I mean by being more playful? Play is: “liking play; being prone to play, like a child or kitten; experimental; frolicsome,” says the dictionary. It is also being “lighthearted, in the now, letting go of judgment, gently poking fun at oneself.”

Experts agree that playfulness reduces stress and makes us feel happier:

  • It is a sign of health among animals. Scientists say the healthier and safer the herd feels, the more they play.
  • Playfulness is one of the signs of a marriage that is likely to last, according to relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman. It can ease tension during times of stress.
  • “Playfulness motivates people to learn mathematics and makes them more likely to own what they learn,” says the National Centre for Excellence in the Teaching of Mathematics.
  • People who practice “laughter yoga” reduce their blood pressure as well as the stress they feel.
  • Finally, playfulness made the short list of the 24 most important human strengths identified by researchers in the Positive Psychology movement.
  • Learning to incorporate play in your life is your first step towards raising your happiness set point.

Happiness is a function of your personality. To be happier you need to cultivate a happier personality or way of seeing your life and life itself. Play helps you to do this.

Play is also important for reducing stress. It’s important that you have at least one activity that you do regularly just for fun. Hobbies and reconnecting with art and creativity is another way to play. When you play or get involved in a hobby you tend to get really engrossed in the activity you enjoy. You can even begin to experience a state of being know as  flow, in which your brain is in a near-meditative state. This can have enormous benefits just like meditation does.

Some people are even able to turn their hobbies into careers at some point, and end up with a lifestyle where their work is their play. This is I believe what really creates lasting happiness. Here is a great resource to begin to spark your interest in playing more.

More Diet Myths Debunked

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blond, young girl, woman eating a tomato sandwichNot seeing enough results is apparently a common reason why people give up on their weight loss plan and avoid achieving their weight loss and health goals. This is exactly the mindset you have to change if you want to lose weight and keep it off. Yes keeping the weight off is harder to do than losing weight.

Recent research done by Patricia Bannan, who wrote Eat Right When Time is Tight, claims that “not seeing results soon enough is the number-one reason women give up on their weight loss plans.” That may be the case, but following a lose weight fast strategy is sure to fail in the long run because it misses the point. Diet comes from the Greek word that means manner of living. That means you have to make the way you lose weight become your manner of living, or else you will never keep off the weight. I no longer have to lose weight, but I maintain my ideal weight because I eat in a similar way to how I lost weight.

It really is so simple and yet also confusing. Here is the simple part. The best way to lose weight and I might add be healthy is to eat real food. The hard part is that means you have to go food shopping, cook and put some planning into your meals. There is also lot of misleading information that makes losing weight confusing. You have been told for example to eat whole grains; the problem is there are very little whole grains that qualify as whole. Most have the valuable endosperm taken out to create shelf life and therefore have very little fiber, but lots of carbohydrates.

So the confusing part or the diet myth that needs to be debunked is that losing weight is not just about calories in. Calories matter, but the more important thing is the nutrient makeup of the calorie and how the nutrients are balanced in a meal. If you want more fiber, eat vegetables and you also get protein that balances off the carbohydrates with very little calories.

I understand why people feel that losing weight quickly especially in the beginning is motivating, but that is because they have fallen prey to the number one diet myth which is the word diet itself. Make you so called diet become your manner of living and you will not only lose weight, but you will keep it off. The only other thing I would add to that is exercise. Yes you have to make friends with moving. Find a form of exercise you want to do every day. My favorite is walking out side in nature. What is yours? Watching TV does not qualify.