I found the conversation between Demi Moore and Amanda de Cadenet in Bazaar to be very enlightening. Both of these women seem very knowledgeable in terms of how to live a more enlightened life. Demi Moore speaks about having a “nobody cares, an it doesn’t matter attitude towards life and about the importance of acceptance. She describes freedom as: “letting go of the outcome, truly being in the moment, not reflecting on the past and not projecting into the future.” Demi Moore seems to be on top of her game in terms of what she knows intellectually and has obviously learned a lot by being a student of Kabbalah for the past eight years. The problem is, it does not seem to have sunk in on an unconscious level. This is what I would call the human condition… you know what to do you just can’t seem to do it. Why?
What also struck me about the Bazaar article and their dialogue is the brutal way in which they talk about their body. Andrea says how “it’s an ongoing challenge for me that I don’t think my body looks how I want it to.” Her dream is to be able to eat cake every day and remain a size 6. Demi Moore feels “her body is betraying me…struggling with my weight and feeling that I couldn’t eat what I wanted to eat…or get my body to do what I wanted it to do.” Losing weight and maintaining an “ideal happy weight” should not be such a struggle.
The problem is despite what we think, we do not have control over our body or our mind. It is a misconception for us to think “we have control over only ourselves.” While this is an improvement from thinking we have control over others or life in general, we will only end up disappointed if we think we have control over ourselves. As a student of depth psychology which is the study of the unconscious, I can pretty much say the one thing that I have learned is that the only thing we can hope to have control over is how we react and respond. We are very much controlled by the culture, what we think is “perfect.” We are striving to be perfect when the only thing we have control over is how we choose to react to our life experiences.
Finally, the last thing I would imagine we want to be is what Amanda refers to as an alpha female. Thinking that this is something desirable is part of the problem. Alpha female means someone who is “on top of her dating game. She is obstinate, conceited and doesn’t make it easy for you to pick her up. She gives you a run for your money and makes you work overtime on her, so to speak. But all this only makes her more appealing to you.”
I do agree what we need to do to feel and be loveable is to be loveable to ourselves. This of course means as both Demi Moore and Amanda agree at the end of their dialogue is freedom or not letting your wounds defines you. This is our life’s work.
I have not studied Kabbalah but I know that there is a difference between understanding something and internalizing it inside. I have found the best way to do that is by developing a meditation practice which I have humorously called Smart, Sexy and Sane how to make meditation easy. To learn more about this you can go to meditation made easy. I can pretty much say the last thing I want to do is to eat cake every day. Something’s are best enjoyed when if they are special…not for every day. I do meditate every day though.
What we have to do is let go of immediate gratification. Meditation is not like taking a pill but over time it really works.
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